Being Seen For Who We Really Are - Essential for Leadership

We all want to be seen, to be acknowledged. The question is, what do we do to achieve that?

Cultivating your own dignity is a crucial element in leadership and a rich well for discovery in your self-development. First, let’s define dignity as valuing the contribution a person makes to a social group. You need to value your own (potential for) contribution before you can create a space where that becomes possible for others you’re leading.

How do you do this?: 1) recognize your own patterns that you’ve adopted in order to be seen. These are often adopted when we’re children. Are you still using these childhood patterns? Probably. Do they still serve you? Maybe not. 2) As a leader, having recognized your tendencies, it’s important to consider how they influence your interactions, and impact the needs and tendencies of those who report to you.

The consequences of not being aware of this truth could be creating an environment or team culture dominated by your emotional/psychological needs; a space that may not be conducive for others to feel psychologically safe, much less be able to thrive.  These patterns could also prevent you from being as effective as you want to be by impacting you subconsciously. They could be affecting your decision-making, your communications and your ability to build trust with your team, peers, and others in your organization.

One of my teachers, Dr. Richard Strozzi-Heckler, frequently talks about how we are what we practice. Our habits train our biology to experience and respond to the world in a specific way. This begs the question, for the sake of what? In other words, why are we practicing what we practice? What are you practicing on a daily basis in order to be seen? Are these habits to have your contribution recognized? How effective is that for you? How old is the “you” in these patterns?

As you become more aware of your patterns, you might notice that they arose from a young(er) you. One way to begin your explorations is to stop 3X daily (e.g. late morning, late afternoon, and before bed), ask yourself, in the previous period, what did I do in order to be seen, to have my contribution acknowledged positively? It might have been how you prioritized communications or requests from certain people. Or how you structured your day and which actions you prioritized. Sometimes it can be insightful to observe what you don’t prioritize, what always seems to fall off your schedule.  Reviewing these notes at the end of each week can often provide insight into your patterns and trends. 

Once you begin observing your tendencies, you might be better able to see their impact on others around you.  With this insights you can determine if these habits still serve your vision of  who, and how, you want to be. As I began exploring my habits I discovered that some elements of how I felt compelled to show up were connected to a single experience that happened when I was 4-5 years old. That experience not only shaped how I habitually showed up, but also affected major life decisions like what to study in college, what career to pursue, and the jobs I sought. I felt stuck in someone else’s box. It took a near-fatal bicycle accident to make me recognize that these elements that I’d adopted to be seen, no longer served me. A dear friend who passed from cancer inspired me by the way she lived. As we held space for her as she passed, I reflected on how fully she’d lived and how freely she’d shared her gifts with with the world. This gave me the courage to begin practicing something else, to commit to showing up in a different way, to have the impact I wanted to have on the world around me.

It doesn’t necessarily need to take dramatic events like these to commit to making a shift. You can make the choice today. I can tell you that while it’s scary and exciting, it’s a relief not to hide.

I invite you to consider what you’re practicing and whether it still serves you and the leadership impact you want to have.