Are you getting in the way of your own leadership?

Is extra work, or rework, or confusion in your organization or on your team getting in the way of achieving revenue or cost savings goals? It might be you, not your team…

As a coaching colleague recently observed, CEOs always have the company they deserve. In other words, since CEOs are culture carriers and culture creators, their frustrations with the company tend to be a reflection of their own leadership issues. I agree, and I’ll extend it to lower levels of leaders as well. As an (S)VP or (Sr.) Director, the culture, the morale, the effectiveness of your team/department/group is a reflection of your leadership.

Regardless of your title, for me, this boils down to developing your self-awareness. I’ll touch on three types of the forms of self-awareness: entirely outwardly focused; entirely inwardly focused; balanced inward and outward focused. It’s important to develop the skill to move between these as the situation requires.

Entirely Outwardly Focused

Leadership is frequently portrayed as getting others to do something. When you’re entirely outwardly focused, you’re seeking to shape the responses of others and the outcome. You’re not incorporating your body’s responses to the presence of others in the process. 

While there may be times that being entirely outwardly focused can be helpful, by not paying attention to your body at the same time, you run the risk of falling into old patterns. These old patterns/habits can prevent you from achieving your goals by inhibiting or impairing team cohesion, morale, trust and transparency. Your body language may belie your words, causing others to sense that there isn’t sufficient coherence between your words and actions. This might feel to others like you’re cajoling, or worse coercing, them to do something you wouldn’t want to do. It may also come across as calculated which might cause people to feel less than psychologically safe. 

If we don’t feel psychologically and physically safe, it’s near impossible for our bodies to open and soften because we’re in a fight/flight response. When our bodies are able to relax and open, collaboration and cooperation become easier. Creativity flows. This is why I believe it’s essential to be present to your own experience. 

This is why I work with clients to develop their awareness of their body’s experience in the moment.

Entirely Inwardly Focused

When working with clients, I start with developing entirely inwardly focused awareness by practicing paying attention to the sensations in the body. This level of self-awareness explores your reactions to everyday situations - such as making a decision, responding to an email, having a conversation, or attending or leading a meeting. When I speak of reactions, I’m including being aware of what’s happening in your body in the moment. Everything starts with the body. The response of the body gives shape to the feelings and emotions that arise. 

Think back to a time when you reacted strongly to something. Did you notice that the feeling - whether elation, frustration, or fear - began in your body? If you did notice it, where in your body did you become aware of the first sensation you associate with that feeling? For instance, if you felt elation, perhaps it felt like a rush, or a tingling. Was it in your feet, your belly, your chest? If you felt frustration, perhaps you felt a contraction sensation in your belly, your chest, or in your breath. If you felt fear, perhaps you noticed your field of vision narrow, or you felt “jumpy”.

Becoming aware of these subtle cues helps you shift from mere emotional reactivity (automatic response without choice) towards emotional responsiveness (consciously choosing an appropriate response for the circumstance).

I want to reemphasize that the point of becoming more inwardly focused is not to make you self-conscious, but to make you more self-aware.  If you’re self-conscious about your reactions, you’re letting your inner critic/saboteur/super ego continue to rule. In contrast, when you’re self-aware, you are more resourced. By recognizing the subtle cues of your body’s response to a situation you are able to choose how you respond, and you are present to what is.

Balanced Inwardly and Outwardly Focused

Being balanced inwardly and outwardly means you are simultaneously aware of what is arising in your body (pressure, movement, sensations) while interacting with others and how they are responding to you. 

For instance, say you’re speaking with a small group of people. You notice what sensations are arising in your body while you’re talking. Perhaps an expansion and softening of the body. Perhaps a contraction and tensing of the body. You notice the feeling that arises as a result of that sensation. Simultaneously you are aware of whether others are opening and softening, or closing and tensing. You’re aware of how it feels to encounter and engage with their energy, and how it feels for them to encounter and engage with your energy.

With this type of self-awareness you can become more aware of how it feels in your body to be received or perceived in a certain way. It can help ensure that there is a physical congruence (full congruence?) between your actions and your words. Said differently, it can help you cultivate intentional communication and conscious actions. It can reinforce the authenticity others feel in your communication and actions. Being balanced this way can lead to stronger team culture, consensus building and collaboration. Being balanced this way also invites others to show up similarly, strengthening the team and organization. 

This is what I guide my clients towards.  

I invite you to start seeing how much your awareness of your body’s cues helps your workflow, your mindset, your effectiveness as a leader. What correlations do you notice between the sense of fluidity in your body vs when your body feels stiff or blocked? What do you need to do to address those blockages?

To explore becoming more aware of your body’s subtle cues, you can download a guided body scan here: https://app.hubspot.com/content/7556234/edit/48614324562/content