Becoming a leader requires stepping into a new way of being. What might be holding you back?
Stepping fully into leadership can be scary. We often come to leadership by being good at something else. Rising to the level of being promoted into leadership by way of a different skill set. That skill set usually comes with an identity not associated with leadership, too: "I'm a really good ___________." The challenge is that the top notch skills that enabled your rise to prominence are not necessarily the same ones that will make you a successful leader. For instance, a superb scientist or accountant does not automatically make a good leader. Fully embracing leadership requires learning and practicing new things outside your zone of comfort and competency. It also requires letting go of the identity associated with whatever skill set you've been perfecting. Letting go of this other identity isn't always easy.
How does this manifest?
There are several ways that resistance to letting go appears. One way I've observed is a distinct hesitancy to fully take on the leadership role. Just as if you're dipping your toes into a pool, trying to decide if the water's too cold. That hesitancy ends up bogging down your process of "entering the water," preventing you from leading others.
Another way this resistance rears up is a feeling of trying really hard, or efforting, at leadership. Naturally whenever we try to do something new, it's almost never smooth and effortless. I’m not referring to that awkwardness here. Instead, this efforting feels like working or trying too hard to accomplish something. This might feel a bit like spinning your wheels in a car. Trying really hard to gain traction and forward movement, but nothing seems to work.
A third way this can show up plays out over a longer time frame, such as sensing that you're plateauing professionally. The symptoms here might be struggling to achieve the next promotional step. Or perhaps receiving more than one annual performance review with similar observations and goals for the following year.
Why does this occur?
I believe the challenges of stepping into a new way of being are a question of identity and the story created around that identity. When you're born you have to learn a certain way to show up in the world to create a sense of belonging and safety. That process creates an identity. It also creates a story, a narrative, that supports and continues that identity. Over time you become comfortable walking through the world with that identity, and reinforcing all the elements of that related story. This story might encourage you to select a certain career path, which in turn reinforces how you perceive yourself. When the opportunity to step into leadership occurs, there’s a hesitation. The hesitation might be due to unconscious commitments to that story, to that identity.
Possible next steps*
If any of the manifestations I’ve mentioned seem familiar or resonate strongly, this might be a good time to reflect on what could be holding you back. Here are some questions that may be revealing:
What are you unconsciously committed to? Are there aspects of the old identity or story that you’re holding onto?
What are you gaining by staying in the status quo of this old story/identity?
What good thing might come in by letting go of this current way of being?
What might you need to grieve (about the old story/identity) in order to move more fully into leadership?
These questions can be a great place to begin your self-examination and may lead to helpful insights. If you want to dive deeper and create a roadmap to step fully into leadership, you may want to work with a coach. If you’d like to explore that, I’d be happy to chat with you to see if we’re a good fit. Please use my scheduling link to set up a free, no-obligation 30 min call.
*Thanks to my friend and colleague, Catherine Fourmand, for allowing me to use these questions.